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Children, Divorce, & the Holidays

Children, Divorce, & the Holidays

Surviving the Holidays While You’re Surviving Divorce The divorce process is one of the most stressful things a person can go through. Add that to the stress of the holidays, and you meel feel completely overwhelmed. When the holiday season rolls around, you may wonder how you are supposed to celebrate when you have so much on your mind. As difficult as it may seem, it is possible to manage a divorce during the holidays, and still enjoy spending time with family and friends. You only need to employ a few tips to manage your divorce and still have fun during the holidays: Determine your priorities. A recent survey found that 4 out of 5 people want the holidays to be simpler. A divorce is a good time to simplify and make beneficial changes that make your life easier.You usually have moved to a smaller place, you may have less money, and you may have less time if you have gone back to work. You have an opportunity to do what many want to do, and cut back during the holidays. This is a way to make something positive from the changes in your life. Remember, it’s not about stuff! Make a budget and stick to it. Don’t try to buy love or loyalty. In a recent survey, many Americans are still paying off some part of holiday extravagance until November of the following year. Having less debt is another way to reduce stress. Give gifts of time and attention instead of expensive things. It will be good for you and good for your children. Be patient. Be patient...

Discipline After Divorce

Parenting is hard to do in any situation; however, after divorce it can be even more difficult. Parenting can be hard when the children is being shuttled between two homes and having to constantly readjust. Children may also react differently to separation and divorce, and they may need extra help dealing with their feelings. Experts assert that the best way to deal with children adjusting to a divorce is to maintain consistent discipline after divorce, which allows them to cope more easily. Discipline can be defined as “to train someone to obey rules or a code of behavior.” A parent’s job is just this; to train up your children to be productive, respectable, and well mannered individuals. Parenting by definition requires some form of discipline, and just like with most aspects of a child’s life, including education, nutrition, exercise,  and medical care,it is in the child’s best interests for it to be as consistent as possible. Consistent discipline may only be possible if you are can reasonably communicate with your ex-spouse. However, it is important to note that consistent discipline between parents is very helpful to preventing your children from playing one parent against the other. You and your ex-spouse can take the time to determine what behaviors are unacceptable across the board, such as lying, hitting, stealing, talking back, bad grades, not doing chores, or others. From there, the two of you can  have very specific consequences for these behaviors that can be implemented in both homes. You may decide that hitting always results in time out, or that bad grades always results in loss of video game...

Does Adultery Impact Child Custody Decisions?

Adultery is a very common reason for a couple to divorce. Though no one imagines they would ever commit adultery, the fact is that some studies have found that in approximately 40 percent of marriages, one or both spouses engages in an affair. More often than not, an affair leads to divorce. Many people wonder, does adultery impact child custody decisions? California implemented the concept of no-fault divorce in 1970. After this theory was put into practice, divorcing couples had two reasons available for filing for divorce: irreconcilable differences, or that your spouse is incurably insane. Though the first reason is much more common, in either option you do not need your spouse’s consent to end your marriage. Because of no-fault divorce, California courts are not supposed to take into consideration any fault when granting a divorce, including infidelity. Still, a judge can consider how the infidelity financially impacts the non-adulterous spouse. In very rare situations, a judge might consider how the adultery impacts the children of the marriage. Of any of the issues in a divorce, the courts view child custody as the least affected by adultery. Just like in any other scenario, California courts determine child custody issues based on what is in the best interests of the child. Generally, the state believes that a healthy and close relationship with both parents is in the best interests of the child. Adultery would only have bearing on child custody in situations where the infidelity reflected on the spouse’s fitness as a parent, for instance, is the spouse engaged in a sexual act with another person while the child...
Can I Change the Locks On My House During a Divorce?

Can I Change the Locks On My House During a Divorce?

The marital home is one of the most valuable assets you have to divide during a divorce, and subsequently it can be the most difficult one to divide. There are a lot of things you can and cannot do with your home during a divorce, which vary depending on a variety of factors. When a couple decides to divorce, it does not automatically mean one spouse will pack up and move out. Each spouse has probably contributed significantly to the home’s mortgage or rent payments over the years, which means each spouse has an equal right to live in the home. Unless they come to an agreement, both spouses have the right to live in the marital home until the court orders someone to move out, which usually takes a great deal of time. You may want to change the locks on your house during a divorce. However, it is never a good idea to do this without consulting your lawyer. The rules about changing the locks vary from state to state. You can file for exclusive residency of the home, which would then allow you to legally change the locks. After a spouse has filed for divorce, both parties have the right to file pendente lite motions with the court. The pendente lite motions only apply until the divorce is final. You can file a pendente lite motion for exclusive residency of the marital home by asking a judge to order your spouse to move out while your divorce is pending. Still, you’ll have to give a compelling reason for the judge to order your spouse out of...
How can I communicate with my children when I don’t have custody?

How can I communicate with my children when I don’t have custody?

Parenting is one of the hardest jobs you can do. However, that job can get even harder after a divorce. The divorce process is very stressful, and could possibly strain your relationships, including your relationship with your children. What’s more, child custody and visitation issues can impact your relationship with your child. It is inevitable that a divorce will affect the parent-child relationship in some way. The hardest part of maintaining a parent-child relationship after divorce is getting used to the new custody and visitation arrangements. After divorce, one parent who was living in the home with the child and interacting with them on a daily basis suddenly has to live in another location, and only see their children in-person for a few days every couple of weeks, or every other weekend. When they do not see a parent often, children sometimes lose the ability to freely communicate with the noncustodial parent. It is important to remember that this is not because the child loves the noncustodial parent less, and it is not because of something the parent did wrong. Feeling less connected to the noncustodial parent is a normal feeling for children of divorce, especially for younger children. It is a priority of noncustodial parents to make the transition between each parent’s homes as smooth and comfortable as possible for the child. In order to make your child feel comfortable, it is important that you do not interrogate your child about what is going on in the other parent’s home. If you try to have your child recite a play-by-play of their week, they will not feel at...
Help Your Kids Deal With the Effects of Divorce

Help Your Kids Deal With the Effects of Divorce

When parents are going through a divorce, one of their biggest priorities is making sure their children get the emotional support they need. Ideally, parents would like to minimize the impact of the divorce as much as possible. In order to make the divorce easier on the children, parents should recognize how divorce commonly affects kids, and take the necessary steps to make the process as painless as possible. Research on children and divorce typically show that kids will experience a sense of loss. This feeling of loss can manifest in a variety of different ways, depending on several factors. For instance, younger children may show signs of regression in areas such as toilet training, or they may throw more tantrums. Older children and teens tend to experience their loss as depression, rebellion, or other changes to their sleeping or eating habits. Whatever the child’s experience is, parents play a huge part in easing their child’s pain. No matter what your child’s age is, the most important thing to do is to be cooperative and non-confrontational, and to continually ensure your child that you love them and that they will always have two parents. There are several other ways to properly communicate with your child while you are reassuring them. First of all, try not to vent to your child about your own frustrations regarding the divorce. It is fine to be open and honest about your feelings, and it may make your child comfortable enough to open up about how they feel. However, try not to stress your child out with details about your own difficulties. Even years...