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Tips for Successful Co-Parenting

A divorce can tease out the worst sides of both you and your ex spouse, creating a vacuum of pain and resentment in the void between. Cooperating with an ex on a weekly basis may be the last thing you want to do, but a positive co-parenting relationship between the two of you is essential to the emotional and mental health of your child, especially in situations of equal joint physical custody, when balanced co-parenting is most possible. According to research done by the University of New Hampshire, successful co-parenting can help children develop feelings of stability, make them feel less torn between parents, and are less likely to feel abandoned. One immediate concept both you and your ex need to embrace is that like it or not, you’re in this together. For your child’s sake, you must put all of your emotions behind you, and develop an amicable, if shallow, relationship with your ex. You have to see them, you have to speak to them; accept this. It will get easier with time. Develop a good channel of communication. As in you and your ex spouse. According to Psychology Today, Research indicates that burdening your child with your adult issues promotes feelings of helplessness and insecurity, which can cause children to question their own strengths and abilities. Do not make your child your messenger or your primary source of information about your exes life, especially if your tone is negative. Have that conversation with your ex yourself, and leave your child out of the conflict. Good communication only occurs if you both stay focused on your joint goals...
Children, Divorce, & the Holidays

Children, Divorce, & the Holidays

Surviving the Holidays While You’re Surviving Divorce The divorce process is one of the most stressful things a person can go through. Add that to the stress of the holidays, and you meel feel completely overwhelmed. When the holiday season rolls around, you may wonder how you are supposed to celebrate when you have so much on your mind. As difficult as it may seem, it is possible to manage a divorce during the holidays, and still enjoy spending time with family and friends. You only need to employ a few tips to manage your divorce and still have fun during the holidays: Determine your priorities. A recent survey found that 4 out of 5 people want the holidays to be simpler. A divorce is a good time to simplify and make beneficial changes that make your life easier.You usually have moved to a smaller place, you may have less money, and you may have less time if you have gone back to work. You have an opportunity to do what many want to do, and cut back during the holidays. This is a way to make something positive from the changes in your life. Remember, it’s not about stuff! Make a budget and stick to it. Don’t try to buy love or loyalty. In a recent survey, many Americans are still paying off some part of holiday extravagance until November of the following year. Having less debt is another way to reduce stress. Give gifts of time and attention instead of expensive things. It will be good for you and good for your children. Be patient. Be patient...

Discipline After Divorce

Parenting is hard to do in any situation; however, after divorce it can be even more difficult. Parenting can be hard when the children is being shuttled between two homes and having to constantly readjust. Children may also react differently to separation and divorce, and they may need extra help dealing with their feelings. Experts assert that the best way to deal with children adjusting to a divorce is to maintain consistent discipline after divorce, which allows them to cope more easily. Discipline can be defined as “to train someone to obey rules or a code of behavior.” A parent’s job is just this; to train up your children to be productive, respectable, and well mannered individuals. Parenting by definition requires some form of discipline, and just like with most aspects of a child’s life, including education, nutrition, exercise,  and medical care,it is in the child’s best interests for it to be as consistent as possible. Consistent discipline may only be possible if you are can reasonably communicate with your ex-spouse. However, it is important to note that consistent discipline between parents is very helpful to preventing your children from playing one parent against the other. You and your ex-spouse can take the time to determine what behaviors are unacceptable across the board, such as lying, hitting, stealing, talking back, bad grades, not doing chores, or others. From there, the two of you can  have very specific consequences for these behaviors that can be implemented in both homes. You may decide that hitting always results in time out, or that bad grades always results in loss of video game...
Can I Change the Locks On My House During a Divorce?

Can I Change the Locks On My House During a Divorce?

The marital home is one of the most valuable assets you have to divide during a divorce, and subsequently it can be the most difficult one to divide. There are a lot of things you can and cannot do with your home during a divorce, which vary depending on a variety of factors. When a couple decides to divorce, it does not automatically mean one spouse will pack up and move out. Each spouse has probably contributed significantly to the home’s mortgage or rent payments over the years, which means each spouse has an equal right to live in the home. Unless they come to an agreement, both spouses have the right to live in the marital home until the court orders someone to move out, which usually takes a great deal of time. You may want to change the locks on your house during a divorce. However, it is never a good idea to do this without consulting your lawyer. The rules about changing the locks vary from state to state. You can file for exclusive residency of the home, which would then allow you to legally change the locks. After a spouse has filed for divorce, both parties have the right to file pendente lite motions with the court. The pendente lite motions only apply until the divorce is final. You can file a pendente lite motion for exclusive residency of the marital home by asking a judge to order your spouse to move out while your divorce is pending. Still, you’ll have to give a compelling reason for the judge to order your spouse out of...
How can I communicate with my children when I don’t have custody?

How can I communicate with my children when I don’t have custody?

Parenting is one of the hardest jobs you can do. However, that job can get even harder after a divorce. The divorce process is very stressful, and could possibly strain your relationships, including your relationship with your children. What’s more, child custody and visitation issues can impact your relationship with your child. It is inevitable that a divorce will affect the parent-child relationship in some way. The hardest part of maintaining a parent-child relationship after divorce is getting used to the new custody and visitation arrangements. After divorce, one parent who was living in the home with the child and interacting with them on a daily basis suddenly has to live in another location, and only see their children in-person for a few days every couple of weeks, or every other weekend. When they do not see a parent often, children sometimes lose the ability to freely communicate with the noncustodial parent. It is important to remember that this is not because the child loves the noncustodial parent less, and it is not because of something the parent did wrong. Feeling less connected to the noncustodial parent is a normal feeling for children of divorce, especially for younger children. It is a priority of noncustodial parents to make the transition between each parent’s homes as smooth and comfortable as possible for the child. In order to make your child feel comfortable, it is important that you do not interrogate your child about what is going on in the other parent’s home. If you try to have your child recite a play-by-play of their week, they will not feel at...